he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
