Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
