I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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