some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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