When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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