my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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