I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
