He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
