Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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