so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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