He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My pussy is not your playground.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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