capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
