don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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