i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
