omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
