Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
