i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
