Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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