drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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