I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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