I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
