My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize