everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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