I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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