i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
