The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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