can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
