I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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