tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
