I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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