I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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