Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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