please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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