She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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