i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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