just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
