so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
