Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
