brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
