Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
