God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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