I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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