I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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