I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
