his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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