I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize