I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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