So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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