I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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