I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
