...so i touched it.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
