Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I had to cum in my sink.
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