Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
