shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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