You're my little dorito
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Damn victory sex feels great
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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