i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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