Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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