just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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