Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
