Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's never too late to be topless.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
