As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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