the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
