Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
