I wanna bring you to show and tell
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize