Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
