I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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