Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
