Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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