It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i out mim tonsoeep
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
