He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
