We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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