omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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