Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
