mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
