I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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