grandma shit on top of the toilet
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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